Lately

Me and Barrett were both up with a stomach bug Tuesday night until about 3 am, when he finally was able to fall asleep. He woke back up at 6 and decided he was going to stay awake. Around 9 am, I decided I just couldn't do it that day, so I called Ty's mom and she was happy to keep him for me, thank goodness! She came to pick him up around 11 and I was happy to get a break and to hopefully feel better. I never expected to feel how I felt after he left. It's just such an odd indescribable feeling. As soon as I shut the door, I boo-hooed for a while. I was so excited to get the break but so sad for him to leave. It's funny because my sister was just talking about that feeling last week to me and I didn't understand at the time. But I can say now, that I totally know what she was talking about. Me and Ty went to eat with some friends last night and ran a few places after it. When we got home, we both said we felt kind of guilty for having such a good time, just the two of us. However, I keep telling myself that it's totally normal to still be able to have fun, without Barrett. I think every couple that has children, needs a break every now and then, for just the two of them.

As I came to work today, I happened to look down at my dry clean only black jacket. I realized that I probably look horrible because it's covered in white dog hair and had some spit up around the collar...haha. I'm sure that's how it's going to look for a while too. It comes with the property of being a mother to a human baby and dog baby and I don't mind it at all! Everyone will just have to excuse it, when they see me.

I'm finally feeling a little better with the postpartum depression. I've been on Zoloft for 3 weeks now and it's starting to help. I truly appreciate all of you that have messaged/texted me lately, just checking on me. It helps alot! I still have times when I'm down but overall, it's better and I'm able to cope with the bad feelings.

We are so thankful for the great family we've been blessed with! As I mentioned already, Ty's parents kept Barrett last night and my sweet mom and stepdad are keeping him on New Year's Eve. My sister stayed at our house one night last week and got up with him. We've had sooo much help since he's been born and are so grateful for that!

I've started to call Barrett "B" lately. My sister actually started calling him that first and I've just picked up on it. It's pretty catchy, so I'm thinking it may stick a while. He's been smiling alot for us lately. It's so sweet! We've had to not hold him as much lately because he's gotten to where that's all he wants and cries when we don't hold him. Unfortunately, when we see family, that's all they want to do which is understandable, but it makes it hard on us when we get home because we just can't hold him 24/7. He's still doing fine, sleeping in his crib, which I'm happy about. He gets up every 3-5 hours and take 4-6 ounces of milk at a time. He got his first taste of Pedialyte at Ty's mom's yesterday, which I'm curious to see how well he did with it. I'm sure he loved it! Anyways, I hope everyone has a great New Year's Eve!

Bottle, Diaper, Laundry, Dishes, repeat...

This blog title pretty much explains my life right now. I feel like I'm constantly doing one of those things I listed-giving Barrett a bottle, changing his diaper, doing laundry, dishes, or something else for the baby. Atleast it keeps me busy though. He's been a little fussy the past few days but we're thinking it's just a bellyache. I feel like he's out of the "brand new baby" stage. Right after he was born, you could do pretty much anything to him while he was asleep and it wouldn't even phase him. Now...if he's sleeping, we can't hardly touch him without him waking up. I can tell he's going to be one of those babies that fights gong to sleep. It's like he thinks he'll miss something so he fights to stay awake. He stays awake ALOT now too, unlike before. I love just sitting and watching him. He makes this "coo" sound when he sleeps and it's so sweet. When he's awake, it's neat to watch him look at things. He makes the funniest faces!

I go back to the doctor for my 6 week check-up on Jan. 4. We're hoping I can try to wean off the BP meds and I'll be cleared to be able to go back to having a "somewhat" normal life. I'm still not supposed to be lifting stuff but I've had to, since I don't have a 24/7 assistant by my side. I'm eager to get to go to the chiropractor since my back is killing me. I also can't wait to start working out and see if I can get back into shape just a little. I'll never have a normal stomach again, I don't think! Everyone says it will go back to pre-pregnancy but I think if they saw MY stomach, they'd think differently...haha. It's literally COVERED in stretchmarks and my skin just sags. You can tell my uterus is still above my bellybutton too. It's pretty gross to say the least. But, everything was worth it. I'm still saying I won't have another baby but only time will tell. I'm not getting anything permanently fixed for now! Anyways, everyone have a great week.

Getting the hang of this mommy thing!

Overall, I think I'm getting the hang of being a mother and it's a sigh of relief. We're in a "somewhat" routine with Barrett, so that's nice. He's hungry about every 3 hours but sometimes will go 4 hours. He's averaging about 5 ounces of formula each feeding but sometimes will only take 3 ounces and occasionally wants 6 ounces. He's done fairly well sleeping the past few nights. He gets up about every 3 hours and as soon as he finishes his bottle, he typically goes right back to sleep. It takes 30-45 minutes to feed him, plus 10 minutes to rock him back to sleep, so technically I'm getting about 2 hours of sleep in between him waking up. I hate sitting home all day so I normally just operate on what sleep I can get. I occasionally slip in a 30 minute nap or so. We're both sick and it kills me to see him feeling bad. We went to the doctor yesterday and it seems it's just "the crud" so there's not much we can do. I'm giving him saline throughout the day and sucking out his nose but it's not helping as much as I'd hoped. Him feeling bad is making him not want to take his bottle, bless his heart! For the past week, he's had a crying fit from about 11 pm until 1 or 2 am. I'm thinking it may be a little colic, since I've heard it normally hits babies at the same time every day.

I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner! We didn't put up our big tree or all the house decorations this year. There's been WAY too much going on to worry about it. My mom let us borrow her little 3 or 4 foot tree and it does just fine! I did atleast put up our stockings too. I've got most of my Christmas shopping done but have just a little bit left and am trying to finish that up this week. Hopefully, all of the stuff will be here in time! Everyone has been asking me what to get Barrett and I have no idea! I'll be thankful for anything he gets. I think some people have gotten too wrapped up in what gifts they get and have forgotten the real reason for Christmas. I'll never let Barrett be one of those bratty kids that acts rude if they don't get exactly what they wanted. Of course, kids mainly think about what gifts they're going to get for Christmas and that's fine but I've seen some kids act pathetic because they didn't get exactly what they wanted.

Barrett's definitely filling out his 3 month clothes now! He'll be in 6 month clothing before too much longer. He weighed 12 pounds on Monday and 12 lb 8 oz yesterday! I have no idea what caused me to have such a big baby! I had no health problems at all while I was pregnant so he's just one of those random big babies! He got his newborn pictures done this week and I'm so happy with them! I placed a big order for some last night. It was hard to get him to do all of the newborn poses the photographer normally does because he's so strong. I remember the day he was born, he was able to support his head on his own. I'm proud to say I've officially had 1 person say that Barrett looks just like me! Haha. He is definitely a mini-Ty so it's nice to hear someone say he looks like me.

I guess I need to go get a shower while this booger is asleep. I always put him in his bouncy seat while I get ready and he does great. He actually loves the sound of the hair dryer, so he sleeps great through it. Adios!

Barrett's checkup

I got a ton of stuff done today, thanks to my fantastic sister! We had an appointment with Dr. Woods first thing this morning. Barrett was 23.5 inches long and weighed a whopping 12 pounds! He's 3 weeks 1 day old today. The doctor said he looked and sounded like a perfect baby! After the doctor's visit, we grabbed some lunch and then got Barrett's newborn pictures done, finally! I've had to put it off for the past 2 weeks because of all my health problems but I'm glad we actually got them done today! They will be adorable and hopefully be on Facebook tomorrow or soon after. Then, I had a bunch of other places that I just had to run in and do something small, so my sis sat in the car with Barrett every place we went so he didn't have to get out in the freezing cold. I'm so thankful for the help and support I've gotten from my family lately and don't know what I'd do without them. My mother-in-law is even coming to clean my house for me tomorrow!

Some fun facts about Barrett this past week:
He loves ceiling fans
He likes the sound of running water
He has just started to enjoy his bouncy seat and naps in it during the day
He WILL pee on you within 5 seconds of removing his diaper every time he gets changed
He already has to sleep in his Pack n' Play in our bedroom because he's too big for his bassinet
He likes getting his head rubbed

He won't have another doctor's visit for 5 more weeks, when he'll be 8 weeks old. The doctor said that's when they'll give him his shots and I'm sure it'll break my heart to see him hurt. It breaks Lilly's heart too, when he cries. She gets excited every morning to go see Barrett and gives him lots of sugar. When he's fussy or crying, she has to be right beside him to make sure he's alright. On a side note, I've packed up all of my maternity clothes! It's a huge feeling of relief! I've got 4 garbage bags full, plus a couple of pregnancy pillows that I want to get rid of. I'm going to sell it all but the problem is that I'm selling it all TOGETHER. I don't want to mess with people looking through each item and seeing what they want to buy-there's just too many things to do it that way. So, if anyone's interested, let me know! Most of it is summer stuff, which are sizes Medium and Large. I have a little bit of Fall stuff but it's mostly sizes XL and petites.

And just an update from my last post, I'm feeling a little better. I think the anti-depressants may have started working a little and I'm just keeping faith that it will get better with each day. I appreciate all of you who've commented and prayed for me! Every little bit helps! Anyways, I hope everyone has a great week!

Praying for guidance and strength through hard times

This will be a very brief, to the point post. I've had a hard time since having Barrett, physically and emotionally. After the C-Section, ridiculously high blood pressure, some infections, and now a wretched cold, I've developed another problem. I thought I just had the "baby blues" as they call it but we now know it's full on postpartum depression. It's definitely not a good feeling and no one will understand it unless they've been through it. It's not something I'm ashamed of and have learned that it actually helps to talk about it with others. It's just a matter of how each person's body deals with the huge shift in hormones after giving birth and obviously mine doesn't do well with this change. I've lost about 45 pounds in 2.5 weeks and find it hard to eat or sleep anymore. We decided it was best to let some close family keep Barrett for a few days, to clear my head and hopefully get the right antidepressant for me. I've prayed and prayed to get things to straighten out and would appreciate any prayers I can get. I hardly ever ask for prayers but I feel it's an appropriate request for now. I love Barrett more than anything in the world and for that reason, I have to focus on me for now. Thanks in advance for your time.

I'm not sure I was prepared for this...

The ups and downs, that is...I was hoping there would only be ups after Barrett arrived. Of course, he is the sweetest and best blessing I could have ever received but man, this has been tough. The C-Section itself was NOTHING in comparison to everything that's happened after it. I think I atleast have my blood pressure under control for now. Well, atleast it's not in the seizure or stroke zone :/ I was put on 3 different BP meds to start with and 2 of them gave me horrible side effects. So, I'm only on 1 of them now. My BP isn't quite as low as we'd like to see it but as long as I stay below the scary zone, we're sticking with that med. I no longer look like a balloon from all of the swelling, which is such a nice feeling! I also have to admit I'm very proud of myself for the weight I've lost. I gained 50 pounds throughout the pregnancy and in the past 2 weeks, I've lost 35 of those pounds...so only 15 to go! I guess that's what all this anxiety and not feeling good will do to ya! Now, I just get to battle this bladder infection and hopefully that will be it!

Barrett was what I considered a perfect baby the first week but now, he's totally got his days and nights mixed up. Last night for example, he stayed up ALL night (literally). He caught about 5 minutes of sleep here and there but was wide awake and wanted to party for the most part. Needless to say, I'm exhausted now. I had an appointment early this morning so no naps for me so far. Regardless, I'm tired of sitting home so I came into work anyways. Barrett got to come with me but I don't know how well this will work...we'll see!

Anyways, Barrett's growing like a weed! A few days ago, we weighed him at home and he's already 11.2 pounds...haha. He can control his head and eyes very well for his age. He's rolled onto his side a few times and tries to/has held his bottle on his own. I honestly think I gave birth to a 3 month old sometimes, minus the sleep pattern.

I'll update again soon! Everyone have a great week!