Thursday, January 12, 2012

You have to watch what you say...

Lately, I've dealt with a bit of drama and I don't like it. To make a long story short, about a month ago, I wrote some stuff on my blog about work that was slightly inappropriate. It wasn't about a specific customer. It really wasn't about a customer of our's at all. It wasn't mean nor did I use any foul language. It was just a little rude, I guess, which could potentially give our business a bad name. I definitely don't want to do that. I love our customers and want to help them in any way possible. At the time, I didn't think anything about what I wrote and still don't really see much wrong with the content but at the same time, I respect other people's opinions when they say that I went a little too far. Anyways, some nameless people told a nameless person I'm fairly close to, about what I had written and from there, it was made to be a bigger deal than it actually was. I still haven't and probably won't ever get complete details of what was said about me nor will I ever be told exactly who started this nonsense but that's OK.

Last night, I actually opened that particular blog post and deleted the inappropriate paragraph, just to save myself additional drama related to this subject. I just haven't had to deal with this kind of stuff since I was in high school. I especially wouldn't expect it from women that are twenty to thirty years older than me. I've gone ahead and deleted a select few people off of my Facebook to at least decrease my chances of any foolishness from these people again. The comments about me and my blog got so silly that the fact that I post my blogs late at night (usually around midnight) and write three to four paragraphs in one blog, was made into a big deal. Gasp (said sarcastically)! I'm not sure what's wrong with writing late at night and writing four paragraphs in one post. I tend to have my highest potential late at night. I actually made my blog private last night but it was going to be a huge pain for people to read it, while it was private. When it's private, a new link has to be emailed to each person, every time you have a new post. Then, they have to click on the link I emailed them, to be able to read my blog. I have no idea who all reads my blogs. I know a select few people that do read my blogs regularly though. Tonight, I decided it would be easier to just leave my blog public and monitor how I word things and what content I blog about.

As I've said in a previous post, I use my blog as a way to express my feelings. It's similar to people that use paperback journals at home to document their feelings. I choose a blog over a journal because with a blog, people can relate to my situations and how I'm feeling. They give such helpful advice and encouragement. I love being able to relate to others and them being able to relate to me. I know some people have negative opinions about blogs, which they are entitled to. For example, I've heard some people say it's a way of bragging and putting your whole life out there. Of course, it's a way of bragging for some people! It's not for me though. I recall talking about my son's circumcision in my last blog post...Am I bragging about that?! Obviously not. I received emails from two of my Facebook friends that made me feel much better about the situation, so I'm glad I made that blog post. One person had even gone through the same problem herself.

Speaking of people giving advice, I truely appreciate any of you that have given me feedback and some of you even helping me through really hard times. I remember about a month after giving birth to Barrett, I was in such a deep dark hole of anxiety and depression. It wasn't just the baby blues...it was severe Postpartum Depression, beyond measure. It was one of the most joyful times in my life and also the most miserable. I recall in December 2010, writing a blog post about how anxious and depressed I was. What's even worse is you feel so bad about yourself for feeling that way after being given this precious baby from God that I had hoped and prayed for for so long. But unfortunately, it's the way some women's bodies and brains handle the hormone changes after birth. Within an hour of sharing that blog post on Facebook, I had so many people email me, text me, and call me, saying they were praying for me, telling me they cared about me, and alot of you even told me your stories of how you got through similar situations. Again, I thank all of you that were there for me. It really meant alot.

Anyways, I've got to go to bed...It's 12:33am!!! Haha. I'm a night-owl. What can I say?! Good night and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Mine's going to be busy!

P.S. Say a special prayer for my best friend, Audrey. She was due this past Tuesday with her first little boy, Austin, so she's now three days past-due. I know she's uncomfortable and so ready to meet this sweet man.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sick.to.my.Stomach. :(

Straight to the point...Barrett was circumcised when he was one day old. It was a "conservative" circumcision as a handful of doctors have described it, even though we wanted a normal circumcision. I haven't wanted to intervene medically since then because: A) We have consulted at least five doctors (a few pediatricians) and they all agreed that I shouldn't get it fixed because it was only cosmetic, B) I can't stand to put my son through pain if it's unnecessary, C) It has caused no bodily harm, and D) I was told that it would look completely normal after he went through puberty. I've had a lot of people nag me about getting it corrected but Ty and myself would carry the life-long guilt, if something were to go wrong during the procedure. So, Ty and I always decided against it. Until now, it has been simply cosmetic anyways.

Well, we had something medically wrong happen a few days ago so I took Barrett to Convenient Care. I'm not going to go into detail with "what" went wrong. There are just some things that I keep private, sorry. Anyways, the doctor referred me to a urologist at Jackson Clinic and we had that appointment today. I'm beyond relieved to hear the doctor doesn't think it's anything serious but he does want to do surgery, which was my ultimate fear. The whole thing just terrifies me. It's going to KILL me to stand there and watch Barrett be put to sleep using anesthesia. I'm sure many tears will be shed that day, haha. The appointment is scheduled for January 17th at 11:00 am. The doctor said it should only take about ten to twenty minutes so it's not that bad. It's ten to twenty minutes longer than I'd like, but that's OK. He said that if this current situation had not come up, he would not want to operate but with all considerations, it's better to do it sooner than later.

On a positive note, I had such a good time with Barrett today! We had his doctor's appointment then went to lunch with my mom (Granny) and Steve (Doo-Dah). Then, we did a little shopping, got my car cleaned, did a little more shopping, visited daddy at work for a bit, then came home and spent a little time just playing in the floor together. After Ty got home from work, the three of us went to dinner. So, today's been a great day for sure! Barrett went to bed like a pro tonight again. I laid him in his crib at 9:30 and he just laid there, not making a peep. It took him about ten minutes of rolling around with his stuffed animals and blankets, for him to actually fall asleep. I just love my mini best friend!

On a totally different note, I may have to make my blog private soon, sorry. I'm still trying to decide. I figured I would make it viewable only to people that have Google accounts and request to follow my blog. I really hate to do that so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Blogging is not a way for me to start drama. It's not my purpose to brag or show off. I never mean to send off a negative message in any way. It has just recently come to my attention that subjects from my blog are being passed onto others, in a different form, carrying a different report. To be honest, I'm not quite sure how this happens or why, but it obviously does. I use my blog as an outlet. I know some people don't believe in broadcasting their life over a blog but I'm not some people. I'm Ashlie. I don't really feel like I broadcast my entire life anyways. Trust me...there are TONS of things that I would never EVER put on here for everyone to see. I do keep a lot of things private. I always read through my blogs a handful of times before posting them, to make sure I don't mind any and every one reading it, because that's always a possibility. Some people use an old-fashioned pen and paper as their outlet. Some people don't use anything as an outlet. Some people use blogs. I'm a blogger and that's OK. If you do come back one day and see that it's private, you are welcome to add me on Google and you are more than welcome to read away!

Now, back to Barrett's upcoming procedure. If everyone will just keep Ty, Barrett, and myself in your prayers on January 17th, we would be much appreciative! I pray that Barrett does great with the procedure and heals quickly! I also pray that he does wonderful with the anesthesia and doesn't suffer from any side effects. I pray that I can make it through the procedure without losing my mind :/. I pray that Ty is blessed with lots of patience that day.

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

My baby's growing up :(

I mean, obviously all babies grow up but it's so hard/unbelievable when it's your own. This time a year ago, Barrett was SO different. He was six weeks old and weighed around 14 pounds. He wore size six months in clothing and size one in shoes. He woke up randomly during the night and was on no kind of schedule, whatsoever. He drank around four ounces of powdered formula every two to three hours. He enjoyed laying in his bouncy seat, playing with a few small toys. Now, Barrett's 58 weeks old and weighs around 26 pounds. He wears size 18-24 months in clothing and size five in shoes. He sleeps a solid ten hours a night, sometimes twelve hours, very rarely waking in the middle of the night. He's finally decided he'll take on a schedule. He moved on from formula to about twelve ounces of whole milk a day and eight ounces of water and juice. He eats four meals a day and one snack. He loves cheese, bananas, pasta, green beans, and ice cream. He's definitely my child ;p.

He is just such a wonderful baby...really. I'm not saying he's perfect. No one's perfect. He's still a one year old and a male one year old at that! But seriously, I couldn't imagine having a more cooperative baby. For the past week, Ty and I have been able to lay our thirteen month old in his crib at bedtime and he doesn't make a peep. Even if he's not sleepy, he'll lay there, quiet as a mouse, until he falls asleep. In the mornings, I'm able to turn on a Mickey Mouse DVD in his playroom (right beside my room for all of you worrying about how I'm able to see him) and he'll play with his toys and watch his movie while I get a shower and get ready for work. Also, he's a really good eater. He eats the same proportions that I eat at times, which seems like a lot for a one year old. He's reached the age where he strives to entertain strangers when we're in public and I love it! Most of the time, he makes many new friends and they'll talk and play with him, which he just eats up. Rarely, we'll have a grouch ignore him and it breaks my heart. You can see in his little innocent eyes that he just doesn't understand why they don't even smile at him. I mean, how can you not even smile at a sweet little baby gleaming at you?! If you don't want to have a conversation, I understand but at least smile at him :(.

He's really good about not getting into things like electrical cords and plants, etc. Of course I still watch to make sure he doesn't get into anything because I know that one day, he may decide that that electrical socket looks very interesting ;). The only things so far that we have to really keep an eye on with him are: A) Lilly's food and water dishes, and B) the toilets :/. I've caught him twice with Lilly's food in his mouth. She eats dry dog food which is a good and a bad thing. It's good because it doesn't seem as gross as wet dog food would be in his mouth but it's bad because he could easily choke on it. He loves to stick his whole hand in her water dish and splash it everywhere. He hasn't dumped the whole bowl yet...YET, I said. The toilet situation is just disgusting. He's done it twice now...that is, he's stuck his hand IN the toilet water. The first time, I was getting ready for work and it didn't take him thirty seconds to get out of my sight and hands-first in the toilet. After that incident, we've kept our toilet lids down and the bathroom doors shut. BUT...I came down with some kind of virus Saturday night and felt too bad to even think about shutting the toilet lid or the bathroom door. I was running 102 fever, chills, body aches, weak, and felt really nauseous but never actually got sick (thank goodness for Barrett's hands' sake). I just felt awful and came back to bed and crashed. Next thing I know, Ty's like, "Ashlie!!! You didn't shut the bathroom door and Barrett's been in here splashing in the toilet!" Dis.Gust.Ing. But, I feel like that's Ty's fault...he knew I was sick ;). He should have watched B closer, maybe!

I've been told a lot lately that Barrett's beginning to look more like me than he does Ty...FINALLY! His eyes seem to be turning green or brown though :( Not that brown are bad. It's just that my mother, two sisters, and myself, all got our blue eyes from my great grandfather that Barrett is named after, so it would be nice if he kept his blue eyes too. Charles Asa Walker was my great grandfather's name and Barrett's middle name is Asa. 'Daddy Charles' was a wonderful man. He treated my great grandmother like gold. They were what every loving couple should strive to be. They had an unconditional love that was explained by the way they treated and looked at eachother. They must have been special people because they have four great great grandchildren that are named after them. My nephews' names are WALKER Penn Ridgeway, Jackson CHARLES Ridgeway, and Colin BRADSHAW Davison. My great grandmother's maiden name was Bradshaw. Before I knew that Barrett was a boy, I had intentions of incorporating 'Nuna Mom's' first name, Evelyn, as either a girl's first or middle name. I just wish both great grandparents were still around to see how much they are loved and looked up to :).

Anyways, I've got to go to bed at a desent time. Barrett's got a doctor's appointment in the morning that I've been dreading but anxious for so we've got to be up early! I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week! Happy 2012!