Monday, October 4, 2010

And the anxiety kicks in...


I'm 32 weeks today so only about 8 weeks to go! To the right is a picture of my giant-self today. I can't wait for my ultrasound next Monday and see how this boy is measuring. Not to mention, I get to see his sweet face again! I have my 2nd baby shower this coming Sunday and another one the next Sunday. I can't wait! We have an Infant Class Wednesday night. I think it just teaches the basics like how to take care of the umbilical cord and all of that fun stuff. I'm hoping they cover some of the really basic stuff like changing diapers and feeding, since Ty has never changed a diaper nor fed a baby. Luckily, between my 3 nephews, I've had quite a bit of experience with that stuff but it won't hurt to go over it again.

At this point, I'm just excited to meet Barrett but along with the excitement comes alot of anxiety. I mean, it's not just having a baby, it's a life that I'm responsible for for a very long time to come. I've had panic attacks for the past 3 years and it's hard for me to deal with them without my medicine. I've done pretty well since getting pregnant but now they're back with a vengeance and get worse, the closer I get to my due date. I have such a huge respect for people that have ever had mental disorders/problems. I don't think anyone will understand until they've suffered from one themselves. I've had people tell me for so long to think this way or tell myself this and unfortunately, mental problems don't work that way. I thank God for medications that have been invented to help with these problems. However, they can't be taken while pregnant. I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with everything or suffer until I give birth.

I have been obsessive about cleaning my house lately. Me and Ty cleaned the windows yesterday. Of course Ty didn't think they needed cleaning but after seeing the rags I used, he agreed that they needed it! I thought I was done after that but then noticed the garage needed cleaned. So, I organized our storage area where we put cleaners and all kinds of junk. Of course, this led to noticing the garage floor needed scrubbed and cleaned. At that point, Ty determined I was crazy and that it's a garage and supposed to be dirty. In other words, he talked me out of it and it's probably a good thing he did or I'd have lots of back pain today. I think I've just ran out of stuff to clean but I feel like everything has to be perfect before Barrett's arrival. I'm even scared to let someone else clean my house because I'm worried they won't do it like I like it! However, next time the house needs cleaned, I'm going to HAVE to get someone else to do it.

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